Is Working Out the Secret to Loving Yourself?

Is working out the secret to self-love? A year ago, I would have said yes without hesitation. Now, I'm not so sure. I have been working out consistently for over a year now. What started as something I felt pressured into doing since my friends were going to their respective workouts has quickly become a vital part of my routine. Over time, I’ve gained confidence, maybe even a slight superiority complex (hard to admit, but true). At the same time, I’ve noticed a shift in my mindset. Skipping a workout now fills me with guilt, and I find myself focusing more on how I look than how I feel. This realization made me reflect on my fitness journey and how it has shaped my perception of self-worth.

Growing up, I was always active, juggling multiple sports at once. When the time came to commit to just one, I chose dance. In high school, I was part of the drill team, where we were essentially in season year-round, with little to no true “off-season.” Because I had always been naturally petite, I never gave much thought to what I ate or how my body looked. I was also a late bloomer, which likely explains why my struggles with body image didn’t emerge until later in life.

By the time I graduated high school, I was completely burnt out from dance and relieved to finally take a break from constant movement. When I started college at the University of Colorado Boulder, I didn’t step foot in a gym or take a single workout class for the next three and a half years. That’s not to say I wasn’t active. I walked to class daily and explored the town on foot, but my body changed. I lost all the muscle I had built from years of dancing and became the smallest I had ever been. In Boulder, often dubbed the "skinniest city in the U.S.," my petite, muscle-free frame fit right in.

By my senior year of college, my roommates were all deep into yoga. I wasn’t particularly drawn to the idea of joining an expensive studio that only offered yoga, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of being left out. Instead, I signed up for Hotworx, a workout studio where you follow virtual classes inside small, heated saunas. The more you sweat, the more accomplished you feel, or at least, that’s how it seemed. I stuck with it for over six months.

After graduating, I moved back to Houston and remained consistent with my workouts, this time at a gym that offered group classes. As I continued to work out, my muscles began to return, but this physical change brought a mental challenge with it. Although I was still thin, I noticed that my legs and arms were becoming more defined, and my body no longer looked the same as it had in the past. At first, the change was jarring. I found myself obsessing over my growing muscles. The arms that had always been slim now felt "big" to me, even though they weren’t by most standards. It was an uncomfortable shift. I had spent so many years associating slimness with beauty and worth, so seeing muscle definition as an added feature felt foreign to me. My reflection in the mirror no longer fit the image I had in my head.

This inner conflict became a recurring mental struggle. I would find myself scrutinizing my reflection, questioning whether the change was a good thing or a bad one. Whether I should continue working out or stop altogether. It took time, but slowly, I began to reframe my perspective. Instead of viewing my arms as "big," I started to see them as strong. I had worked hard to build upper-body strength, and I realized that this newfound muscle represented something meaningful: resilience, strength, and the progress I had made.

It wasn’t an immediate or easy transformation in how I viewed myself. I had to consciously remind myself that strength comes in many forms, and muscle gain was not a negative thing. With time and reflection, I learned to take pride in the way my body had changed, not just because of aesthetics but because it was a reflection of my effort and determination. It wasn’t about being smaller or fitting into a particular mold; it was about being stronger, healthier, and more in tune with my own body. This shift wasn’t easy, but it was possible, and it allowed me to finally accept and appreciate the body I had worked hard to build.

So, is working out the key to self-love?

I’m tempted to say no, at least, not on its own. Too often, the motivation behind working out is rooted in dissatisfaction, especially for women who feel pressured to change how they look. While aesthetics can be a factor, making it the sole focus can lead to a toxic mindset. Exercise can be incredibly beneficial, but it can also become harmful if driven by self-criticism rather than self-care. Before stepping into a gym or starting a new routine, ask yourself why you're doing it. If the answer stems from self-hate, the real work might need to start within. For me, working out has become a way to feel strong, physically and mentally. But I’ve come to realize that true self-love isn’t found in changing my body; it’s found in accepting it.